Iâ€™ve been meaning to write this for a while now but havenâ€™tâ€¦ so, technically we are a bit more than â€œ1-Year Inâ€. #delinquent! Ha! Michael took me as his woman on January 27, 2016 after I had all but begged (okay… begged) him to allow me to be under his â€œcoveringâ€. Have we talked about how we met before?? Probably. 🙂 Let me just do a quick recap.
In August of 2015, I read one of Michaelâ€™s blogs for the first time. Hated it. But for some reason, I kept readingâ€¦ and each article gave me nuggets that both challenged and enlightened me. Michael saw things that I saw peripherally, but couldnâ€™t yet put my finger on.
Within a month I was a regular attender of his online sabbath class where he was going through the torah line by line. A month later we were friends and beginning to talk on the phone, which progressed to talking on Skype. I helped him with artwork for his blog and we had wonderful conversations about our mutual love, Yehovah and His word.
In late October I had an extreme sense of dread overcome meâ€¦ something â€œclickedâ€ and I had a moment of clarity when I understood that I needed to have a covering. I longed for peaceâ€¦for shalomâ€¦ and understood that the beginning of finding that meant that I had to surrender my pride and control issues and start seeing myself for what I wasâ€¦. a woman created for a purposeâ€¦.to do the will of Yehovahâ€¦of Godâ€¦ and that meant humbling myself and learning to be a helper for a man (whether it is my husband, father, brother, etc.).
That first day on the phone when I asked to be Michaelâ€™s â€œlong-distance” Amah (non-sexual female servant), he laughed at me. Apparently that isnâ€™t a â€œthingâ€. I was deflated but understood. As an uncovered woman, I was in a pickle and often called myself â€œa sitting duckâ€. I DID ask my Dad if I could be HIS servant and live with him and help he and my Mom however I could… and if he wanted, he could find me a husband and marry me off. (I was trying to live out what I saw in the Tanakh.) My loving Daddy said I could always come home and stay with them if I needed to â€œget back on my feetâ€, but that he didnâ€™t subscribe to the particular belief system that I was operating under. So that was out.
Long story short, Michaelâ€™s and my friendship grew and we eventually started talking in earnest about me joining him as his woman.
Fast forward a year (+) and here I amâ€¦.and here he is. We live together on the opposite side of the country from where he resided before. We live on a community ranch where we have animals (a horse, 2 dogs, and chickens so far) and gardens (one in our back yard and a great spot in the community garden). We are learning and practicing life according to our created purpose.
Michael is the leader in our home. He sets the tone (and what a lovely tone it is!)!
I am becoming more and more grateful that I don’t have to make every decision for myself. Iâ€™m learning to relax into the ability to say â€œhoney, what should I do?â€â€¦and learning to TRUST and DO what he says! (In the past I have often asked others for their opinions but ultimately looked to myself as the authority. This emasculated my previous partners, showing them that I did not really value what they saidâ€¦even if I SAID I did with words, I didnâ€™t live it.)
Iâ€™M NUMBER TWO!!
A few years ago I started to sense I was created to be a “#2” (not the “#1” I was trying to be). My pride and entitlement issues made me want to exalt myself to be a #1â€¦but that is not who I was created to beâ€¦ Iâ€™m a #2.
Years ago I was involved with one of my churchâ€™s community groups for single young professionals. The leader was kind to me and gave me responsibilities to help him and soon I looked at myself as a â€œco-leaderâ€ in this group. Once in this role, I often found myself judging the actual leaderâ€¦ I was critical and often thought I knew better. As time passed, I began to have romantic feelings for this man and those feelings naturally humbled me and made me WANT to be his â€œ#2â€. I remember journaling about that strange feeling. I think we, as women, if we tap into our â€œwoman-nessâ€, will find that we desire to be soft and pliable and dependent.
It was like what I saw a couple weeks ago when my very-dominant female dog who THINKS sheâ€™s â€œalphaâ€ (and acts like a crazy fool anytime another dog doesnâ€™t RECOGNIZE that she is the BOSS) walked alongside a TRULY â€œalphaâ€ dog (who was much bigger than her too)â€¦.she NATURALLY humbled herself and even tucked behind him when she was looking for protection from something that scared her on our walk. It was really neat to see. #natureinaction
It’s no one’s fault…it’s the way our society has gone, but frankly I was raised/trained to think and act like a man, not a woman. I was taught that â€œI am in chargeâ€ and that I can be whatever I want instead of being taught to be a help-meet/ezer kenegdo. In a partnership where all parties know their roles, everyone thrives. I still struggle with feeling like I have to â€œachieve and accomplishâ€ things for myself to exalt my name. Thatâ€™s not how itâ€™s supposed to be. Iâ€™m supposed to humble myself and be one with my master and exalt HIM!
So thatâ€™s what Iâ€™m working onâ€¦stillâ€¦ in year 1+. 😉